How I Failed Leadership Twice—Until I Faced Myself

How I Failed Leadership Twice—Until I Faced Myself

Fidgeting, Fear, and Fake Confidence: 

Before I learned how to lead others, I had to learn how to stand with myself.

I didn’t fail leadership because I lacked skill. I failed because I didn’t realize my body was translating my mindset out loud. And that mindset was unsure, afraid, and—later—desperate to prove something.

I lived through two seasons of failed leadership. One where I shrank. And another where I forced.

Both were me, searching. Both were loud in their own way. Neither reflected who I really was.

Season One: Shy, Afraid, and Shrinking

Back then, I didn’t know the difference between humility and insecurity.

I avoided conflict. I kept my voice low and my opinions quieter. I apologized with my shoulders—rolled forward, protective. I broke eye contact often, as if leadership would expose me.

My team saw it. They may not have said it out loud, but the message my posture sent was clear:

“I’m not sure I belong here.” “Please don’t challenge me.” “I hope you approve.”

It wasn’t just poor body language. It was a self-protection mindset, wrapped in a quiet shell.

And it made people uncertain around me—because I was uncertain with myself.

Season Two: Angry, Arrogant, and Overcompensating

I got tired of being ignored. So I flipped.

I came in louder. Straighter spine. Firmer voice. Quick, sharp responses.

I leaned too far into assertiveness. My jaw stayed tense. My eyebrows furrowed in meetings. I interrupted. I stood over people rather than with them.

I thought I was owning the room. But I was pushing people away.

That wasn’t leadership either. It was defensiveness in disguise—demanding control to cover self-doubt.

I went from shrinking to steamrolling. But the root issue stayed the same: I didn’t know how to lead from a place of wholeness.

The Shift: From Posture to Presence

Here’s what no leadership book tells you: Your body becomes your belief system.

• Fear shows in collapsed posture and scattered eyes.

• Ego shows in stiff shoulders and tight facial muscles.

• Insecurity masks itself as dominance just as often as passivity.

And until your body aligns with who you truly are—you’re either hiding or performing.

That realization cracked me open.

I stopped mimicking confidence. I stopped controlling how others saw me. I started leading from what I actually valued: Service. Integrity. Clarity. Empowerment.

And everything changed.

How to Spot Your Own Disconnect

Leadership isn’t a title—it’s an energy. And the first place it shows up is in your body.

Here are a few reflection points that helped me:

1. Do I physically shrink when challenged? 

 Avoiding eye contact, folding arms, or making yourself smaller may signal fear—not respect.

2. Do I push too hard to be seen? 

 Overuse of hand gestures, pacing, fast-talking, or leaning in too far can reveal hidden anxiety.

3. Is my presence calming or pressuring? 

 Check your breath. Your tone. Your pacing. If others tense up around you, check in—not out.

Now? I Don’t Perform. I Empower.

I’m not interested in proving myself anymore. I don’t need to be the loudest or most intense voice in the room. I just need to show up anchored.

My posture now reflects:

• Confidence without arrogance

• Direction without dominance

• Compassion without collapse

And you can feel it.

Because self-leadership starts in the body—not the title.