What They Never Taught Me About Influence

What they never taught me about influence.

From Factory Floor to Leadership Mentor

I used to think leadership was about having answers. Or presence. Or titles.

Now I know: Influence isn’t granted. It’s earned through alignment.

And before I ever led anyone else— I had to stop borrowing borrowed leadership identities. And start owning who I actually was.

My journey didn’t begin in a boardroom. It began on a factory floor. Where silence felt safe. And pretending felt necessary.

This is the story of how I failed twice—once by disappearing, and once by overcompensating—before I finally found real influence.

Stage One: Quiet Leadership (Failing from Fear and Avoidance)

Back then, I thought leadership meant not making waves.

I avoided conflict. Kept my voice soft. Agreed with what I didn’t believe—just to avoid tension.

I assumed humility meant holding back. I thought leading meant being liked. But what I was really doing… was disappearing.

And it showed.

• My posture slumped.

• My opinions were filtered.

• My presence felt unsure, even to me.

The truth? I wasn’t leading. I was hiding. And people around me felt it.

Because when your leadership is based on fear, your body and voice quietly whisper,

“I’m not ready. I don’t belong. Don’t see me.”

And the room always hears it—even if you don’t say it.

Stage Two: Loud Leadership (Failing from Ego and Projection)

Eventually, I got tired of being overlooked.

So I flipped. I got louder. Sharper. Firmer. I thought confidence was about volume.

I started talking at people. Pushing decisions instead of inviting ownership. Taking up space instead of holding space.

I wasn't leading. I was performing.

My shoulders were tight. My feedback was fast and unfiltered. My face rarely smiled unless it was rehearsed.

It felt powerful. But it was just ego wearing leadership’s clothes.

What I didn’t realize at the time:

When you lead from projection, you create pressure—not presence.

And people followed less. They complied more. Which isn’t the same thing.

Stage Three: Embodied Leadership (Owning Through Alignment)

What changed?

Not my knowledge. Not my job. Not my personality.

What changed was what I owned.

I started leading from inner congruence—when my values, presence, tone, and message all matched.

I started showing up as myself—not who I thought leaders should be.

• No more shrinking.

• No more performing.

• Just presence.

Calm, clear, anchored.

I stopped borrowing leadership behaviors from books, bosses, or motivational videos.

And I started asking:

“What do I stand for? What does my energy communicate? And where am I out of sync with that?”

When I aligned with that clarity, something surprising happened: People followed. Because they could feel the difference.

The Shift Wasn’t in What I Did—It Was in What I Owned

Ownership creates influence. Not volume. Not charisma. Not strategy.

When you own your tone, posture, presence, values, and voice—you create psychological safety for others to show up fully too.

That’s real leadership. And no title can fake it.

Ask Yourself This

What part of your leadership are you still borrowing from others instead of owning?

Your style, your tone, your posture, your pace— Does it reflect your clarity… or someone else's expectation?

Real influence begins with real alignment.

At Growth Myndset Initiative, we guide leaders to drop the performance masks and step into sustainable, congruent influence.

Because your leadership doesn’t start with strategy. It starts with you—and the clarity of where you’re headed.